One Foot in Front of the Other Part 1: How we Got Here & Why it Matters
As I sit down to write the first part in this series, I admit my head is swirling. There is just so much on my heart to share and it’s hard to know where to start! If you’ve talked with me lately, you know I am more than willing to share all that is happening. So, as I began to organize my thoughts, I realized that the chronicling our journey is best started off with how we got here and how God led us to choose adoption. Then in Part 2 I hope, Lord willing, to fill you in on where we are at in the process, as well as give a big picture overview of what that process looks like from start to finish (and answer the most frequently asked question, “So how long will this all take?”). Annnd not every post will be this lengthy, so if you can hang reading this 2 part series, then I'm giving you a virtual hug for sticking with me. ;)
I titled this series “One Foot in Front of the Other”, because that’s just the way of obedience and blessing in life, as well as this adoption journey. Taking one small foot in front and placing it front of the other, and doing the next right thing in front of us. There’s no quick and easy shortcut when it comes to God’s plans for our lives. We must patiently and quietly trust He’s not only guiding our steps, but growing us too, even if at times it feels slow and painful.
So, how did we get here? Why now? Here’s where I get candid, and only with the hopes that someone else might read this and be encouraged that they are not alone. As some of you know this past July marked our last month of “trying”. We had completed our 14th (yes, 14!) and final IUI after 2.5 years of praying, hoping and waiting. The reason we did so many, is simply because every genetic test, procedure, ultrasound, and (many!) blood tests had come back completely normal. Our doctor always expressed that he believed it would happen again for us. He felt this way especially since we have our precious JG and had a healthy/normal pregnancy with no previous issues. Additionally, each cycle was “perfect” medically speaking. Throughout these exhausting months, and multiple miscarriages we always sought to press on in trusting the Lord’s timing and the wisdom He gave to our doctor. But then came the point, where it was clear my body couldn’t keep up with the physically and emotionally exhaustive treatments. It was our personal decision to not move forward with IVF, and so we made the difficult, but confident decision to stop everything.
The little black journal from my Grandpa pictured next to my Bible below, is filled with tear-stained, smudgy prayers pleading with the Lord, that if it was His will, to please give us the desires of our hearts and grow our family. It took approximately 1,095 days, achieving pin cushion status, countless negative tests, the mourning of precious lives lost in between, every bit of the Holy Spirit's help and a whole village of people praying for us, but we finally arrived at a place of peace and acceptance. It has certainly been a long season of wrestling, waiting, listening, hoping, and ultimately surrendering. Good, but hard soul-work that has yielded an intimacy with Christ that we wouldn't trade for the world.
Someone has once said, “Bold faith stands on the shoulders of quiet trust”. So here we stand, confidently continuing to trust in His sovereignty and relying on His promises; for we know He withholds no good thing.
I have thought about adopting for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it was because my mother was adopted, we talked about it from time to time at home. I also remember talking about it with Joel early on in our dating relationship too. Joel and I began the discussion about what our family would like early in our courtship, and I was pleasantly surprised that adoption was something he was always interested in, too.
It was also natural for the topic of adoption to come up frequently with friends/family along the way of our infertility journey; it seemed to be the natural, well-meaning encouragement, “Why don’t you just adopt?”. To which we both felt convicted to share that the two are very separate matters. We have never seen adoption as a “solution” to our infertility, but do acknowledge that these nearly 3 years have been preparing us for it. I only mention this because we did pray long and hard about whether it was God’s will for us to be content with our sweet JG, and while we are certainly relishing in the gift she is, we felt this long delay was Him calling us to make way in our hearts for a child that would come to us through adoption.
So we spent the next couple months researching, reading, calling, watching documentaries, talking and praying earnestly over where to start. I talked with many families we knew who had adopted, and they were all overwhelmingly willing to share their own stories and offered to be a place of support. I even reached out on a whim to a few “celebrities” who had recently adopted to get their insights, fully expecting them to be too busy to reply. Yet, in God’s providence each of them graciously responded with loving words of encouragement and helpful advice. Everywhere we looked God had put people and resources in place to continue to usher us along to a place of readiness for action. Our prayer has constantly been "If it's your will Lord, make the pathway plain", and He has been so faithful to do just that.
Along the way we were quickly learning that everything about adoption - the need for it, the broken families, the hard and complex process, the opportunity to give a heart a home - is an intermingling of grief and joy. Joy over the privilege to welcome a little one into our hearts and home. Grief over the 153 million orphans worldwide today. The gut-wrenching thought of little children, like our own sweet JG, going to bed hungry, and without someone to kiss them goodnight. Just typing this brings me to tears. It seemed the more our eyes were opened to the realities out there, the more we knew that there was no putting out the fire that was lit in our hearts, no matter how long or hard all of it may be.
My heart raced and my hands shook when I made that first phone call to the adoption agency, because I was beginning to realize this was it. God was beginning to work out something that at one time had just been a dream in our hearts.
It’s obviously exciting to take that first step and imagine what God is doing and will do through our adoption. Yet, I have to be honest and share that there are still so many unknowns, so many questions, fears and doubts that creep up even now. BUT even as we come against these things along the way, our conviction remains that this is absolutely the right choice. So we slowly take one foot and put it in front of the other. Because truthfully, our saying “Yes” to adoption is not based on our own abilities or strength, but instead because of our Father who promises to never leave us as orphans. We are stepping out in faith resting completely in His promise found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-11:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
There’s much to say about what’s happened next, and I plan to share that in the next post. We want to again thank you for taking the time to follow along and for your continued prayers. It’s our deepest desire that our story would one day encourage another family, remind our little one that he/she has always been #seenchosenloved, and ultimately bring glory to God.
Joyfully in Christ,
